Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Clifford Appears in a Blog

This week's blog is dedicated to my childhood action hero, Clifford the Big Red Dog.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Clifford and his achievements, where have you been? For real. He had about 800 books and a TV show. Basically, he's a dog, he's red, and he's big. Really big. Super big. His dog house is bigger than a people house. Yeah, that big.

Clifford's owner is a little girl named Emily Elizabeth, who rides him everywhere and refuses to aknowledge the fact that Clifford's size is most likely due to a glandular issue, and that he probably needs urgent and extensive medical attention. She just doesn't love him the way I love him. I would have respected him. I would have paid his medical bills. I... also would have ridden him everywhere (but I'd have done it with love).

Clifford is a spectacular dog. He puts out fires on more than one occasion, is popular with the other dogs in the neighbourhood, and to the best of my knowledge, saved Santa at least once. That's only one less time than I've saved him. Fair effort for a dog.

Some particularly action packed escapades include:
Clifford’s Tricks: in which Clifford's spirit of one-upmanship leads to a street riot, the destruction of a police car, and a young girl falling from a bridge.
Clifford Gets a Job: where Emily Elizabeth’s parents get sick of Clifford's mooching and tell him he needs to contribute to the family's finances. During his efforts to find a job, Clifford and Emily Elizabeth encounter some gun weilding bandits and wind up in the middle of a police chase.
Clifford Saves the Whales: this is... I don't know. I don't own this book. I have no idea what happens. I'm guessing he saves the whales or some shit. Again, fair effort for a dog.

Wikipedia's list of Clifford books includes the title Clifford Sits on a Peanut, though sadly, a quick Google search suggests no such story exists. Until now.

(You’re welcome)

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