Thursday, November 24, 2011

Just like the movies

Last weekend I learned a valuable lesson: don’t spend the day watching horror movies if you have to spend the night in your house alone.

Ages ago I promised my brother that since his fiancée hates horror movies, I would see Paranormal Activity 3 with him. He texted me on Saturday reminding me that we still hadn't been, and that I still hadn't seen part 2, so after a quick DVD watching session we headed out.

The cinema was empty when we walked in, and after we shuffled over to the seats we wanted, something caught his eye. And now I present to you: 'Dodgy ways to make sure no one sits in front of you at the cinema' with my brother.

Tip 1: Move the wet seat sign over to the seat in front of you and hope that no one sits in the actual wet seat.

He then informed me that he has tried convincing his fiancée to keep a piece of paper that says ‘Wet Seat’ in her handbag so he can whip it out whenever they go to the movies. Strangely, she's not keen.

Anyway, thanks to my shoddy body clock, I was too tired to stay awake all night thinking that every noise I heard was a *PARANORMALACTIVITYSPOILERALERT* demon named Toby who lives in my ceiling and wants to move objects in my bedroom EVER SO SLIGHTLY. Then possess me and make me kill people. Because that would be unfortunate for all involved. Except Toby. But he's not very nice.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Hipster-Tickle-Me-Elmo: A day in the life

Catching up on some reading Then catching up with Hipster-Minnie Mouse ...and Hipster-Ralph Wiggum...and Hipster-Angry Bird Talking down to regular Tickle-Me-Elmos to assert his superiorityTrying to impress the ladiesTaking up the bagpipes because guitar is too mainstream

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Customer Service 101

I’ve been working in hospitality for just over four years now. Needless to say, I’ve learned a thing or two about how to handle people.

No matter what is going on in your life, how tired you are, or how surly your disposition may be in general, you are required to transform yourself from the regular you, into this freakish being:
Once you have become a smiling, happy-go-lucky scamp, there is a certain type of behaviour that is expected from you.
For example, you will occasionally have to deal with a customer who wishes to make a complaint.
Correct response: Listen, and apologise if any wrong doing has been done on your/the business’ part.
Incorrect response: Tell the customer that you wish a young Johnny Depp would ring your doorbell, all lost and confused after being in some kind of accident that involved him losing his memory. And his shirt. And his pants. But we can’t always get what we want, so they should bugger off.

Sometimes a customer will get angry while they’re waiting. They’ll make a point of telling you how they don’t have time for this, and how very busy they are.
Correct response: Kindly tell them you’ll be with them in a moment.
Incorrect response: Give them a death stare and point out that, as they can see, you’re currently quite busy yourself. Then slow down. A lot. Completely stop, if that takes your fancy.

Occasionally a customer will come in and start hassling your manager, who is trying to take her lunch break, about the prices of every single item you have on display. He will be rude and aggressive and will ask, in a rude and aggressive manner, what is in the Cajun chicken wrap.
Correct response: ‘We get our food items delivered, sir. I can’t tell you 100% for sure what all the ingredients are.’
Incorrect response: The scenario I could see going through her head:

And if that really good looking guy comes in, try not to do this:

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Well done

I realise it's Sunday and this isn't a real blog. I'm sorry for not being organised enough to pull something together last week. BUT: my mum and I went to get a head start on our Christmas decoration shopping (we go nuts for Christmas. I think we just like shiny things and twinkly lights) and I present to you, this photo: 'Take photos here with Santa'. It's gonna be a good Christmas this year. I can feel it.