Career Opportunities

“I’m going to teach you a lesson you’ll never forget.”
What was that lesson? Pythagoras' Theorem.

I finished high school in 2005, and though it’s only been a few years, I’ve realised something. Only three facts from the whole time I was there have actually stuck in my head:

1. How to find the length of the hypotenuse
2. Hitler allegedly only had one testicle
3. The word 'banana' in Italian is 'banana'

In year 7 we studied Africa. For the test, you had to list as many African countries as you could on a blank sheet of paper. I did reasonably well with this. My list went into the high 30s. Thinking about it this morning though, I came up with four: Egypt, Kenya, Nigeria, and… the other one.

I was always a good student, with the exception of PE (come back and talk to me when you’re a real subject). And surely the ‘D’ on my report for that one semester I did of drama stood for “Dramatically gifted.”

When the end of year 12 came around, I still didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. A meeting with my careers teacher resulted in me being asked the following question: “Well, what are you interested in besides shitty rock bands?” Really, he asked me that. Apparently the options are quite limited for someone whose main goal in life is to one day own the complete series of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on DVD (bloody hell that show was brilliant. Speaking of brilliant shows, when is Blossom coming out on DVD? She was my hero in primary school. I got a hat with a big flower on it and everything. Kids these days ain’t learning nothing from Hannah Montana). I wanted to aim a little higher than the fast food industry. I wanted something that might hold my interest for more than 5 minutes. And while it may be the oldest profession in the world, prostitution is only as easy as you are. That had to be ruled out too.

While it was both rude and extremely disrespectful to my CD collection, the “shitty rock bands” comment led me to a Diploma of Music Industry Business. It was sex, drugs, and rock n roll baby! Just without the sex and the drugs. And with a lot more Occupational Health & Safety. I can’t sing or play an instrument, but if you want to know about music copyright laws, don’t ask me. I’ve forgotten.

All I know is that in another 45 years, John Lennon’s lyrics become public domain. Unless they’re the ones he wrote with Paul McCartney. If you want those ones, you’ll need to have McCartney killed, then wait out the next 75 years. Bummer.