Hello, and welcome to ‘Typing things into the Google search box and waiting to see what suggestions it offers you.’ In this, the first instalment of ‘Typing things into the Google search box and waiting to see what suggestions it offers you,’ we’ll be typing ‘Why can’t I’ into the Google search box and waiting to see what suggestions it offers us. Quick, to the Google machine!
Why can’t I… Own a Canadian
I initially thought it was a bit suss that this is the most popular suggestion. How many people want to own Canadians? Then I Googled it and found out it’s actually quite awesome and possibly stolen from The West Wing. Go have a read here. Then enslave someone.
Why can’t I… Lose weight
SHUT UP! You look fantastic! For real. Don’t change a thing. I love you. Please keep reading my blog.
Why can’t I… Sleep
Because you’re distracted by all the overpowering mental stimulation that is my blog. It’s hard to sleep when you’re worrying about things like how politics relate to Sesame Street. Luckily, I'm here to solve these problems for you. You're welcome.
Why can’t I… Lyrics
Any song that opens with the lines ‘Get a load of me, Get a load of you’ doesn’t deserve to be Googled. (I may or may not have taped this song off the radio when it first came out) (By that, I mean I did)
Why can’t I… Get a job
If I knew the answer to this, I wouldn’t still be working for the same company that gave me my first job.
Why can’t I… Be you lyrics
It’s catchy as hell, but from what I gather, this song is an ode to cannibalism. Let’s face it, Robert Smith looks like he’d be up for it. WOO, THE CURE!
Why can’t I… Get pregnant
What am I, a doctor?
Why can’t I… Get a boyfriend
Good question, internet! I personally have received only two, yes, TWO honest answers to this question in regards to my own situation. The first young gentleman told me ‘You’re too much of a dude.’ The second said that I was ‘Intimidating,’ and I was all ‘Oh my god, what? As if. I’ll punch you in the face for saying that.’
Why can’t I… Cry
This one upset me a little until I found the result TOM JONES - WHY CAN’T I CRY LYRICS and I smiled because it made me think of old ladies throwing giant underwear around in public.