Wednesday, October 13, 2010

i can has blogz

Subject: A few things...

Dear lolcats,

Stop taking up valuable internet space. That space could be better used for porn, whatever social networking site takes over from Facebook, or anything that isn't photos of cats with badly spelled captions. I realise it must be hard to type when you don't have fingers, but I think I could do a better job if I just mashed the keyboard with my forehead like so: hjnbb.

Does anyone really care if a cat has a cheese burger? If you go through the drive-thru one night in your run-down car and pay for it with the money you've made working part time at the supermarket while you're trying to put yourself through school and support your three kids who all have terrible incurable illnesses and require more time than you can give them because you're a single parent and your life is too demanding, then and only then will I be impressed by your so called 'cheez' burger.

Stop prancing around saying 'Look at me! Aren't I cute?' (I have taken the liberty of correcting the spelling). No. No you are not cute. Meercats are cute. Baby elephants are cute. That guy with the lip ring who came into my work everyday when I worked in Hawthorn is cute. Cats are not cute. Especially the freaky hairless ones that haunt my dreams with their smooth skin and their cold, dead eyes.

Please stop being in my email inbox.

Subject: RE: A few things...

o hay!

i has read ur email and it hurt mah feelingz! :( sorry dat u feel dis way, but wot we do iz nun of ur bizness LOL!!1

u r meanz. ima cum 2 ur house n eat ur foodz! baiiiii!!!

Subject: RE: RE: A few things...

In response to your somewhat threatening email, I am pleased to inform you that I have come up with an intellegent and sOOper awesome alternative to you and your kind. He has a monocle. BAIIII!!!


Isabelle said...

i think i have to steal your lolunicorn and blog it as my new favourite animal. That ok?

Lauren Brown said...

God yeah. He'd probably enjoy the change of scenery.