Friday, March 18, 2011


I never used to have any interest in reading autobiographies. The concept of them bored me. Everyone loves talking about themselves, and it’s got to be hard to put something like that together without being really ridiculously self indulgent. But then again, I write self indulgent balls on this page every week and according to my blog stats, there are people who want to look at it. Including ONE person from Guatemala. Which makes me think there may be very little going on in Guatemala. HELLO GUATEMALAN PERSON! I don’t know who you are, but I appreciate that you’re here. Really. Do you like puppies? I do.

The first autobiography I read all the way through was Steve Martin’s Born Standing Up, more because of an interest in comedy than an interest in Steve Martin. Also, it’s pretty short. But if you ever come across a copy of this book, flick through it until you find the black and white picture of him back in the day with a banjo and a beard. Then write back if you can figure out why it made me think sexy thoughts.
It was probably the banjo.

I don’t think I’d be capable of writing an entertaining autobiography. Even if I did a whole lot of amazing stuff from this point on, my childhood years would still be all about how I had lots of toys to play with and how much my parents loved me. Then there’d be page after page of me sitting on the couch watching telly and eating biscuits. This would be followed by my teen years, where I spent a lot of time sitting on the couch watching telly and eating biscuits. Then we’d get to the present, where I’m sitting in front of the computer watching Youtube and eating biscuits. Ah, how the times have changed.
I’d have at least one sale though. In Guatemala. Unless I scared off the Guatemalan person. Maybe they don’t like puppies.

I’ve been reading Bill Oddie’s autobiography on the train for the last few days (or as I like to call him ‘Bloddie,’ because it removes unnecessary syllables), and he’s written a lot of it in the style of an interview where he plays both parts. I thought it would start to annoy me as it went on, but it didn’t. I think you have to have a certain skill to pull that off. I don’t reckon I could get a whole book out of interviewing myself.

Hi, Lauren. What’s going on?
Not much.
Oh. Ok. Bye.

Bill Oddie? More like SKILL Oddie.

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