Hearing loss
Well rested person: ‘I like Jack and his wife.’
Sleep deprived person: ‘What? Japanese wife?’
Odd trains of thought
Well rested person: ‘The flaps on the coffee cart are held up by gassy struts.’
Sleep deprived person: ‘“Gassy Struts” sounds like an overweight stripper.’
Falling asleep while standing up
At work
At work for a second time
On public transport
Hate
‘Bloody kids.’
‘Bloody wind.’
‘Bloody kids with wind.’
Strange relationships with food
-Eating every item of food in the house not because you’re hungry, but because it’s there and if you’re chewing you won’t fall asleep.
-Eating because you can’t remember whether or not you’ve already eaten.
-Cursing the wind again while waiting for the train because it’s blowing across the smell of deliciousness from the bakery a few streets over and you would genuinely consider punching a stranger in the face for a donut.
-Falling in love with a bag of chips and threatening violence against people you’ve known and loved your entire life when they ask if they can have one.
-Being sickeningly nice to a co-worker all day because they bought you a bacon and egg sandwich and you’ve now reached the conclusion that nothing else matters in life but the magical taste of bacon.
Not surprisingly, this partnership fell apart thanks to their different musical influences.
Now stuck for a way to spend his afternoon, Mr Potato Head did what any logical thinker would have done: he stole the Tardis that sits next to my telly.
Then he learned that while it's all well and good for something to be bigger on the inside, you need to be able to fit through the door first.
So that logical thinking of his came in handy once more.
First he met the locals.
Then he fled from the locals.
And took part in some (not so)petty theft. 
Then Hipster-Tickle-Me-Elmo showed up in his time travelling calico bag, because 'Tardises and Deloreans have, like, totally been done before, and this is, like, way more environmentally friendly and that. You should totally grow a moustache.'
And sadly, Mr Potato Head gave into peer pressure.
He also put his hand in a somewhat suspect area that the photographer didn't take any notice of until it was too late.
…I’m the kind of person who laughs at this:
…celebrity chef Heston Blumenthal will charge you a butt load of money for this, and you will pay it because it’s meat that looks like fruit and you’re convinced he must be some kind of crazy wizard.
…the people who run the London Eye have something against obsessive compulsive folk. There's one red capsule. One. I took countless photos of this from a ridiculous amount of angles and was convinced for a while that I’d never be able to sleep again knowing it was there. Bastards.
…it’s 11:57. 
…some people will name their business without properly thinking it through.
…you shouldn’t buy a drink just because it has a picture of an old-timey robot on it and you are someone who loves old-timey robots. I drank freakin yogurt.
…sometimes in life, you will be faced with near impossible choices…
…but if you follow your heart, you’ll be happy with the choice you made…
…and I mean really, properly, ecstatically happy.
...and finally: this is, and forever will be, the best money I've ever spent.
I also got extremely sunburnt here. Yeah. And I live in Australia where the sun is about a metre from your face. I hope this helps you all understand why I don't go outside.
(artist's interpretation of toilet paper being thrown into the bin. No photo for obvious reasons)
Then the three piece band awkwardly plays for you anyway?
And the girl who was supposed to sing with them puts her comfy clothes back on before she comes out to sing for the two of you? 
And the guy who works there keeps bringing you drinks? And you get to a point where you can’t drink anymore, so you leave a bit of beer in the bottom of your glass, but he takes it away and brings you another one anyway? 
Then you get so drunk that the awkwardness becomes hilarious and you start having the time of your life? 
(the old guy on the left checked out my friend’s ass when she came back from the toilet. Ah, precious memories.)
Note the well put together appearance combined with a look of ‘I would quite like you to go away now, please.’ Now compare this to Exhibit B. 
As you can see, our drunk friend has already managed to throw up on herself and lose her shoes. She also appears to be quite thirsty. Before judging her, always remember that you are in a similar state and would be asking far too much to aim any higher.
Attributes: One hand on hip, other hand hanging by side, unimpressed look conveyed through eyebrows.
Attributes: Both hands on hips, furrowed brow.
Attributes: Snarling mouth, cartoonish pointy monobrow, hands tightly gripped around some kind of weapon or blunt object.
