- Invite guest bloggers
Dear President Obama/Betty White/Sponge Bob, you seem to be quite popular. Would you care to contribute to my blog? B.Y.O topics and witticisms.
- Remove the comments section so people can’t see all the zeros
No, I don’t want to lose the 8 comments I already have. I love each one of them dearly. It’s like I own little pieces of your souls.
- Make lists
People I’d turn gay for: Regina Spektor, the original Brand Power lady, Judy Jetson*
- Use a human voice
Recent studies have shown this to be only marginally more popular than meerkat.
- Be the first to break news
I just found $5 in the pocket of my jeans. More details at 11:00.
- Make posts that will stand the test of time
I think those S Club 7 kids are going somewhere. I really do.
- Have ads that are relevant to your content
Sesame Street is on the telly. Dr Suess is in bookshops. God is everywhere.
- Write in English
- Be controversial
I don't care for Bindi Irwin very much at all.
- Ask provocative questions
Busy later? Nudge nudge, wink wink.
- Use buzzwords
Beiber, Twilight, Viagra, iPad, Kim Kardashian’s ass.
- Discuss current events
So… politics, eh? That… that's something.
- Post photos
This is the rubber band ball I made at work last year. It is next to a $1 coin.
If you're not familiar with Australian currency, you will not understand the full scale and/or impressiveness of my handiwork. The Australian $1 coin is approximately the size of a large goat. I know right? I’ve got mad skillz.
- Don't be boring
...please excuse the rubber band ball.
- Run a contest
Your mum’s a contest.**
- Use correct grammer
i really dont thinks that was not never a issue. semicolon semicolon semicolon.
- Flatter your readers
I could not agree more with your religious and political views. I love your taste in music/movies/blogs. Have you lost weight? We should hang out more.
- Join forums and pretend to be someone else
wat up??? LoL!!! :P I lyk totes fownd dis blog nd its awe$ome!!! u shood fllw it!!1 :D
*if she was not from the future, and not underage. And, you know, real. There are just too many obstacles to our love.
**I did consider a Mark Watson style 'first person to comment gets to suggest a topic' type deal, but I know too many smart arses who'd write something like 'quantum physics' and cause me to have a panic attack and die.