The modern man’s guide to understanding modern women

Lesson 1: Body Language

HOW TO TELL IF A WOMAN IS INTERESTED IN YOU WHILST AT A PUB OR CLUB
You know who doesn’t find you charming when you’re drunk?: The sober girl.
You know who does?: The equally (or even more so) drunk girl.
There is a clear and simple way to differentiate between the two.
Exhibit A: The sober girl.
Note the well put together appearance combined with a look of ‘I would quite like you to go away now, please.’ Now compare this to Exhibit B.

As you can see, our drunk friend has already managed to throw up on herself and lose her shoes. She also appears to be quite thirsty. Before judging her, always remember that you are in a similar state and would be asking far too much to aim any higher.

HOW TO TELL IF A WOMAN IS ANGRY

Female anger comes in three escalating forms.
Stage 1: The ‘I’m a little teapot.’

Attributes: One hand on hip, other hand hanging by side, unimpressed look conveyed through eyebrows.
Meaning: ‘I am somewhat displeased with your behaviour.’

Stage 2: The ‘Sugar bowl.’

Attributes: Both hands on hips, furrowed brow.
Meaning: 'I am extremely displeased with your behaviour.’

Stage 3: The ‘You’d better run, biatch.’

Attributes: Snarling mouth, cartoonish pointy monobrow, hands tightly gripped around some kind of weapon or blunt object.
Meaning: ‘You’ve left me no choice but to fetch my shotgun.’

HOW TO TELL IF A WOMAN IS INTERESTED IN YOU WHILST IN NON-ALCOHOLIC CIRCUMSTANCES
Just look out for something similar to this: