Friday, January 27, 2012

How to blog like a lazy mofo

I can’t think of enough funny things this week, so I’ve bailed on writing a new blog and instead, for your reading pleasure, have translated last week’s blog into various other languages and then back into English using Google Translate because it turned out to be a lot funnier than what I was trying to write. So, I’m forgiven, yes?

You might want to peruse last week’s if you haven’t seen it. Go on. This one will wait for you.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
As the moon moves into the matter, which it is moving in this best of luck and all that brings you luck. Maybe. Even a happy birthday. Their cakes are disappointing and covered in melted candle wax.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)
Having too much money for something you do not need, you'll know where you bought it and what you are paying for it. Listen to lie on, you dirty, lying liars.

Aries (March 21-April 19)
Your washing machine will break and eventually profess what they had with all those missing socks. The socks will not be returned to you because, frankly, you do not want to go back where they were. However, the solution of this mystery will bring you a sense of inner peace. Have a cup of tea and a biscuit.

Taurus (20 April-20 May)
Your skepticism marked with an asterisk will be short-lived when the giraffe from the zoo and tramples you to death.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)
A Taurus you know will be kicked to death by an escaped giraffe with legs.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
La Bamba 's torn in your head and you'll find yourself singing it as you could get a busy street. People will decisis. You go home, eat some chicken, and subpar blog write about star signs.

Leo (July 23-August 22)
Your tendency to burn bridges will bite you back when you are before the arson charges. The lawyer you can find in the phone book will be qualified, but very attractive. You two will have a brief but steamy business that the lawyer will stop by to let you go to prison, where your cellmate will teach you how to make prison tattoos. You will have a feel for this and will realize that you should have gone to art school after all.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Once a wise man, "Put some pants," he said. If you leave home, make sure to do so. People have been complaining.

Libra (22 September 23 to 10)
Romance is in the air! But for you in no.

Scorpio (23 October - 21 November)
Your inner thigh, and their foolish not to go. You know that thing you need to get to the cream.

Sagittarius (22 November - 21 December)
Rising tension in the work that will inspire you to search for a new career path. The following may be very concerned, and only to see its someones birthday cake the next day and return to stressful jobs. This will be eating cake. This will be a meet.

Capricorn (19 Dec 22 to 1)
Jesus was a Capricorn. Please look at what he achieved in all of his short life. Your game and lift the buddy.

1 comment:

Julia said...

So I'll be crushed by a Giraffe with legs... As opposed to a Giraffe without legs? Is there a difference there?