Two years ago I put a coin into a booth with a scary talking plastic head in it. This is what came out.
I’ve kept it in my wallet ever since because the personality section was pretty bang on. I’m fastidious in the ‘excessively particular about details’ sense (a big thank you to dictionary.com and everyone who has ever pointed out my obsessive compulsive tendencies), and the bit about old friends has me written all over it. I met two of my best mates at age 4, one when I was 6, and the other when I was about 10, and have a complete inability to have a conversation with anyone I haven’t known for 10 to 20 years.
In my early to mid teens I had a massive interest in this kind of stuff, and thanks to my ability to pick what song was going to be playing on the radio before I got into the car, I was convinced that I was just a wee bit psychic. I also have a sixth sense for knowing that when I’m in the general vicinity of any kind of ball, that ball is inevitably going to collide with my head. Eventually, my bored and possibly psychic 15 year old mind decided it would be fun to invest in a set of tarot cards. It wasn’t my first time-killing project; originally I was trying to learn how to read palms, but gave it up when I found out that palm reading is more about your personality than your future. That, and it was really, really hard. Really.
The cards had their successes and their failures. They once told one of my friends she was going to get pregnant, and just because it hasn’t happened in the last 8 years doesn’t mean they were wrong. It could still happen. One day. They didn’t specify a time frame. Like that fortune cookie I got in Vegas 5 years ago that said ‘Your love life will be happy and harmonious.’ Still waiting on that one, because I refuse to believe that a cookie would lie to me.
So yesterday I pulled out the cards for the first time in years. First they called me proud, arrogant and stubborn (only the last bit is true. I will out-stubborn anyone in a stubborn competition on any day of the week), then there was an overwhelming message of ‘you are about to be robbed.’ So if you’re planning on stealing something from me, it would be awesome if you could... you know… not do that. Thanks.
LAUREN’S PSYCHIC PREDICTIONS:
-You will eat something before the end of the day.
-At some stage next week, you will walk past a man on the street.
-A politician will do something that makes people mad.
-Stupid people will write letters to the paper about how they're not racist, but...
-Apple will invent an iPhone app that gives you an electric shock every time you start to talk about your iPhone apps.
-Chris Martin will leave Gwyneth Paltrow for Yoko Ono, whose artistic differences will cause the breakup of Coldplay. The world will rejoice.
-No one will invent the hoverboard. Ever.