Friday, July 22, 2011

The eleven people you see at every gig

The tall guy
Defining characteristics: he is tall.
Location: standing right in front of you.

The guy who yells the words to the song louder than the music coming through the speakers
Defining characteristics: wearing the band t-shirt, has his fist in the air, is extremely sweaty. Like, really, really sweaty. Looks like he’s been pushed in a swimming pool kind of sweaty.
Location: right beside your ear.

The girl who won’t stop going ‘WOO!’
Defining characteristics: she won’t shut the eff up.
Location: right beside your other ear.

The tragic old guy who can’t let go of his youth
Defining characteristics: tries to dress hip, keeps talking to the kids about music and wondering why they’re trying to get away from him.
Location: too close to the kids.

The old guy who is genuinely interested in the band
Defining characteristics: has a drink in his hand, nods his head to the music, has a look of defeat on his face over the knowledge that he is constantly being mistaken for the tragic old guy.
Location: standing around at the back.

The boyfriend/girlfriend who has been dragged along unwillingly by their partner
Defining characteristics: an extreme look of boredom. Unless their other half is looking their way, then they’re faking a smile. Poorly.
Location: right beside someone who looks excited.

The security guard who thinks he’s tough
Defining characteristics: built, but only about 5 feet tall and clearly suffering from short man syndrome.
Location: at the front giving the stink eye to anyone who dared to bring a camera.

The guy who smacks you in the head every time he puts his hands up in the air (and waves them like he just doesn’t care)
Defining characteristics: has his arms up. Smells like a dickhead. Because he is.
Location: right behind you.

The girl who only came to see the support band and thinks she’s better than you because she only came to see the support band
Defining characteristics: talks down to you between each band's set.
Location: hopefully outside soon.

The crowd surfer
Defining characteristics: most likely male, shirtless and missing a shoe.
Location: right on top of you. Unless people dropped him. Then he’s probably on the floor.

You
Defining characteristics: love the band, really want to enjoy yourself, but quietly hating all the people around you.
Location: behind the tall guy, right between the guy who sings too loud and the girl who keeps squealing, underneath the crowd surfer, getting smacked in the back of the head.

2 comments:

Julia said...

See? This is why I don't go to concerts. That and I'm terrified of crowds.

Lauren Brown said...

For me, how badly I want to see the band usually outweighs my distaste for people.

Bloody people -_-